What Am I * * * * * * * میں کیا ہوں

میرا بنیادی مقصد انسانی فرائض کے بارے میں اپنےعلم اور تجربہ کو نئی نسل تک پہنچانا ہے * * * * * * * * * * * * * * رَبِّ اشْرَحْ لِي صَدْرِي وَيَسِّرْ لِي أَمْرِي وَاحْلُلْ عُقْدَةِ مِّن لِّسَانِي يَفْقَھوا قَوْلِي

وہ کون ہے ؟

Posted by افتخار اجمل بھوپال پر اگست 5, 2005


وہ میری بیوی ہے پچھلے اڑتیس سال سے ۔ کون کہتا ہے کہ ارینجڈ میریج اچھی چیز نہیں ہے ۔ میرا تجربہ کہتا ہے کہ ارینجڈ میریج یورپی سٹائل کی لو میریج سے زیادہ کامیاب ازدواجی زندگی مہیا کرتی ہے ۔ میں زبردستی کی شادی کی بات نہیں کر رہا ۔ اریجڈ میرج وہ ہوتی ہے جس میں والدین اپنے بچوں کی عادات پر نظر رکھتے ہوئے ان کے ساتھی کا انتخاب کرتے ہیں اور اپنے بچوں کے ساتھ تبادلہء خیال بھی کرتے ہیں ۔

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16 Responses to “وہ کون ہے ؟”

  1. مبارک ہو آپ کو بہت بہ

  2. اجمل said

    شکریہ شعیب صفدر صاحب

  3. Asma Mirza said

    الحمدُللہ اب سب کچھ ٹھیک ٹھیک نظر آرہا ہے!!! اللہ آپ کی بیگم کو صحت و سلامتی کی زندگی عطا کرے!

    والسلام

  4. اجمل said

    اسماء بی بی بہت شکریہ آپ کا ۔ اللہ آپ کو سدا صحتمند خوش خوشحال اور مطمئن رکھے آمین
    مجھے اس بات کی خوشی ہے کہ آپ کو اب میرے بلاگ پڑھنے کے لئے زیادہ تردد نہیں کرنا پڑے گا ۔
    میں سب کے ناموں کے ساتھ صاحب یا صاحبہ لکھتا ہوں ۔ اسماء کے ساتھ خود بخود بی بی لکھا جاتا ہے ۔

  5. Asma Mirza said

    یہ کیوں؟؟؟؟

    بی بی سے مجھے “محترمہ “بینظیر یاد آجاتی ہیں

  6. Asma Mirza said

    😦

    یہ میں بنانا بھول گئی تھی

  7. اجمل said

    اسماء صاحبہ
    بے نظیر میرے ذہن میں بالکل نہیں آئی ورنہ میں بی بی نہ لکھتہ ۔

  8. Saima said

    What about marriage between cousins? When one allowed marrying in the family, doesn’t it affect the relationship between kids? When growing up were you guys allowed to play together.

  9. Amar said

    In my view the marriage is one of those decisions which most of people had to live forever (till deaths do part and we all know parents won’t be there half of their lives.), so they should decide it for themselves. If parents are so sure about all the things then they shouldn’t be worried because they have raised their kids well and kids can make their own decisions. If their kids can’t decide then parents should let them grow more because marriage is not a child play. Why some parents want to decide for their kids don’t they have their own lives to live?

    About marriages in the west – it’s not the way which they chose whom to marry but numerous factors. Unlike some cultures western people do not stay in marriage forcefully. Divorce is still a taboo in conservative societies that’s why there are almost nil failed marriages. IF life is so perfect in the EAST then why there are so many Aids cases in China, India, Pakistan and Middle East. There are millions of people who are cheating there spouses and cheating comes when one is not happy in a marriage.

  10. Ms Saima
    In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with marriage between cousins, if it were, God must have forbidden it.
    What relation between kids you are referring to ? Please elaborate.
    In our family, most of the marriages used to take place within the family depending upon suitable matches. Whenever a suitable match was not there, marriage took place out of family. As goes for mixed playing, in our families, even little kids have not been allowed to play in a secluded place so far. About future I can not say anything. In the open, we have been going for collective picnics comprising, masha Allah, 3 to 10 families and, at home, have been playing Ludo, Snakes & Ladders, Chess, Carom, Cards, Badminton, etc.

    Mr Amar
    I may have not been able to properly communicate in my post under reference or, kindly allow me to say, you were unable to understand because of Urdu script. No where I recommended that parents should poke in to affairs of their children.

    You say that, if parents have brought up their children well, they should leave every thing to the children. How come that you consider parents to be good teachers during the most difficult phase of bringing up their children (from birth to adult) and undesirable when children are able to discuss and take up the most appropriate decision ?

    Regarding second paragraph of your comment, kindly get some authentic information regarding marriage, divorce and spread of AIDS. So far reported AIDS patients in Pakistan are 2224 out of whom many have been treated. To me even this figure is much too high but you have quoted millions.

    Muslims of India adopted customs of Hindus, as a result, divorce became a taboo among them but condition has changed considerably as compared to what it was in 1947. In Pakistan now, there are much less cases of staying in wedlock per force. So far as other Muslim countries are concerned, spouses do not remain spouses for an extra day if they think they can not go on as spouses.

    If your statement “cheating comes when one is not happy in a marriage” is taken as correct then most of the American spouses are not happy with their marriages.

  11. Amar said

    There is no way one can find out the correct number of Aids patients in Pakistan. For refernce goto the following BBC Site.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/south_asia/4054937.stm

    Some estimate Aid patients numbers are around 70,000 (you said 2224) which is no way correct and sadly will continue to spread due to lack of proper precautions and illiteracy.

    REF: http://www.unaids.org/EN/Geographical+Area/by+country/pakistan.asp

    About Divorce and Marriage I did not ruled out the discussion or suggestions from family and friends, but I do have serious problem on the matter solely decided by parents. I wonder if one of your kid decide to marry for LOVE, what will you do?

  12. Amar said

    This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

  13. Mujeeb said

    How can you say you have never met your wife before marriage when you are first cousins (offsprings of sisters).

  14. Mr Amar
    All over the world there is no way to find out the exact number, only the reported or examined cases are counted. It is not Pakistan specific. I do read South Asia, BBC and many more. The figures referred by you are wild guess made sitting in air-conditioned rooms. Figure I gave is up to 2004. Figure for this year will be available next year. Of course, many diseases are spreading in the third world due to illiteracy and poverty. Fact remains that advanced countries are also not out of the trouble. I more than agree with you that marriage should not be forced on children. Please go through my post once again. I had clearly written that I am not talking of forced marriage. I do not know why you are obsessed with it. My child going for love marriage will not bother me if the selected spouse is a lady or gentleman.

    Mr Mujeeb
    Please, go through my posts of 4th and 5th August and let me know where did I say that I never met my cousin who later became my wife ? Whatever I had written was in a light mood leaving out many facts still writing the truth.

  15. Maria Khan said

    Let me give some pointers.

    The idea of ARRANGED MARRIAGE IN THE FAMLIY is always based on the notion that it will be a successful.

    Marrying in the family is not a religious thing it has roots in feudal system in which people want to keep wealth and property in the FAMILY.

    My one and only argument of not marring in the family if husband and wife are related and for some reason they want to have divorce then what will happen to the other members of family. They just can’t leave their blood relatives for the sake of two people. I have seen so many people living miserable lives due to this situation. In most cases they have to stay together for the welfare of others. This is the main reason why divorce rate is too low in conservative societies. Most of the marriages in the east are like Princes Diana and Prince Charles Marriage. I have seen millions of weddings over there and they are very elaborate affair [And I loved it]. Again in the west they got the divorce but they were in the east they have to stay together.

  16. اجمل said

    Ms Maria Khan
    Firstly, I said arranged marriage and not marriage in the family. Any way, marriages in the family should be based on intimate knowledge of behaviour of going to be spouses and not whims. I am not taking in to account feudal lords because their percentage in the total population is very small.

    You are right that marriage in the family has nothing to do with religion but it doesn’t have roots in the feudal system either. These are a result of family system. Family system was one good thing in the east but it is vanishing.

    In the families divorce was thought of as a curse but, as I wrote, acuteness of this thought has reduced during the past 50 years. If divorce is not a sudden decision but a result of mutual consultation then it’s adversity is reduced. Divorce in any case is not a good thing and it, generally, becomes imminent because of mismatch which is a result of hasty decision of marriage without considering habits and attitudes of the persons getting married. Of course, relations, whether of blood or friendly, should not be terminated just because of two spouses.

    Marriage, divorce and later events of Diana and Charles only prove that feudal system in the West is very strong. So, why blame the East only.

    Madam, as written in my post, I am not advocating forced marriages. I am for a consultative marriage which should be decided by a boy or a girl in consultation with their parents or guardians who should take in to account all elements prone to effect their proper match.

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